3 days ago
I am a gender non-conforming woman: here is what my life is like
Re your article ('I've been spat on': gender non-conforming women tell of toilet abuse after UK's supreme court ruling, 12 August), while it is possible that these women's experiences are as a result of the recent supreme court ruling, this has been happening to me and others I know for a long time. A very long time.
My experience as a gender non-conforming 37-year-old woman is that, since I was about eight, I have been regularly mistaken for a boy or man, and that a few times a year, these incidents are deeply embarrassing to me or involve someone being openly hostile.
For example, in 2022, when flying to the US, I was detained for an enhanced search because they did not believe that I was female, as stated in my passport. I was humiliated to the point of tears, not least because I had recently shaved my head for brain surgery for a tumour and had a prominent scar.
I have long lived in a world where I expect to be mistaken for a man and feel on edge as a result. My crimes? Being 5ft 8in, slim-ish, with short hair, an angular face, a deeper voice, and preferring loose clothing. Perhaps my walk is a little confident. The chromosomes remain XX.
This isn't about the trans or non-binary debate. The real issue is that in this country, we have an extremely reductive view of what even a biological woman should look like, sound like and dress like. To an extent, the challenge to binaries has unfortunately and bizarrely played a role in reducing the visual and social footprint of natal womanhood even further. I am regularly asked by well-meaners my pronouns too – something I find just as insulting.
The way I am is no statement, no protest, no challenge. It is simply how I have always been. Comfy, lazy, functional. Why should those be the preserve of men?Felicity HawksleyYork
Have an opinion on anything you've read in the Guardian today? Please email us your letter and it will be considered for publication in our letters section.
